Monday, October 24, 2011

My personal love-hate relationship with chaos

I'd like to applogize for blogging very infequently lately. I really do enjoy blogging after starting this summer I'd hoped to continue into the regular year, but sometimes things become so chaotic that I tell myself I really don't have the time.

                             Which is strange, because I tell myself I do have time to waste hours with the TV or Facebook. Just saying.

Anyways, a lot has been going on in the last few weeks. Our town had it's homecoming parade, and Angie was in it for the first time as a little baton twirler! I won another giveaway, a high chair worth $180, which I'm hopefully gonna sell on Ebay.
                          When I find the time.
Whenever I have a ton of stuff going on in my life, such as right now, I get frequent headaches and my chest tighens up. I get stressed. It's hard to breathe.

I think it's the ever-present perfectionist within me that wants to get everything done, and get everything done right.
                Which is unfair to myself. I shouldn't expect so much And yet...
I find that I love chaos in my life as well. I get bored it I'm not doing enough, and am always eager to take on more. It's like when I se an opportunity, I forget the fact that I'm already in the middle of 50 million other things.

At the beginning of this summer, while I was juggling school and the playhouse for about two weeks and totally freaking, I came up with a quote and posted in on my bulliten board: there is beauty in a life of chaos. I made this up, and somehow it calmed me down. Ironically, on the day I wrote this quote and calmed down I ended up getting sick at the playhouse and having to come home half-way through the show.

                 But that's another story.
Basically, what my rant is coming to is that I need to feel the pressure of thinking I won't be able to get things done in order to get things done. I procrastinate to the max, and I love to hate the pressure of life closing in around me.
               I also love pumpking carving, which I found the time to do this weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe in order to get through chaotic months such as this one, and I try not to overlook life's little blessings. Who knows, maybe there really can be beauty in a life of chaos, but we have to look for it.

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